panic attacks
by komahinas
Summary: Misaki hasn't had a panic attack in a long, long time. So when he wakes up at four in the morning, his head spinning and struggling to breathe, he's at a total loss of what to do. (dumb dumb stupid dumb gay thing i wrote at like 3 in the morning, kinda sarumi-ish? a lot of ooc(im so sorry) and kinda fluff idk)


**wow ok hey hi hellooooo! This is the first thing I've managed to spit out in a while and I'm actually quite proud of it, I realise that it's not great but I'm happy with it! Although granted, I know I made both of 'em (fushimi especially) reaaaallllyyy ooc, but I'm really really horrible at writing characters ive never wrote before. Everytime I try, I always make fushimi too nice so whatever he's really really nice in this fic and its dumb im sorry uvu I hope you enjoy and if I did a horrible job pls lemme know what I did wrong so I know what to fix(preferably tell me in a nice way thx) have a nice day erryone uwu**

_The most vivid memory of Misaki's panic attacks, was back when he and Fushimi were still friends, before HOMRA and all of the fighting and hatred and betrayal. _

"_Just go ask her out. The worst she could do is say no." "As if _that _is going to make me feel any better!" "Why can't you just say it to her? Why're you getting so worked up, it's just a girl."_ _"_Exactly. _See, you don't have this problem. You can just go up and ask someone out any time! It's easy for you, because girls actually like you!" "Just _go._" _

_Grumbling some kind of swearword under his breath, Misaki mentally slaps himself and starts to walk towards the cute girl in the corner. Getting about halfway, he promptly turns around and runs back to his best friend. "I can't do it." Fushimi rolls his eyes and shakes the smaller boy slightly. "Yes you can, now go try again." Fushimi won't lie, he is pretty jealous that Misaki is stressing over some girl and not him, not that he'd let him stress though, but still, he's as jealous as anything. But he doesn't want to bring Misaki down and make him feel worse and more nervous about this girl, so he tries his hardest to encourage him, which honestly isn't that hard. _

_Suddenly, Misaki starts shaking and Fushimi stops and looks at him, utterly confused. He keeps shaking and now he's not breathing very well and oh god no he looks like he's about to cry. He doesn't really know what to do but he thinks he saw something somewhere that when people have 'attacks' like this, it was always best to get them as far away from the situation as possible, so he grabs his friends hand and drags him away._

_Still not 100% sure what to do, he tries rubbing Misaki's back and telling him to breathe, breathe, just calm down you're fine you're okay, and he finally calms down. "S-sorry about that." "What was that? Did you have a panic attack or freak out or something?" "Yeah, those happen sometimes."_

_After he joined HOMRA, he hadn't had a panic attack since. _

Misaki hasn't had a panic attack in a long, **long** time. So when he wakes up at four in the morning, his head spinning and struggling to breathe, he's at a total loss of what to do.

Trying to get his brain to work, he tries to think about what had caused the attack to come out of the blue, because it usually helps him figure out why he freaked out and he can overcome it and-oh, yeah, he'd had a nightmare and oh god, thinking of it makes his chest hurt.

_He was on the ground, sitting alone in a dark alleyway. Wait, no, he wasn't alone, there was someone on the ground. _

_Fushimi. Oh god. _

_Suddenly in a panic, he searched his brain for any kind of memory of what happened. Fushimi had his own blade in his chest and he wasn't breathing and he was bleeding and oh god, no no no Fushimi's blood is all over his clothes and his hands and holy shit, he thinks he just killed him._

_He just killed his best friend, and his blood is everywhere and oh god oh god oh god-_

He lets out a choked sob as his breathing starts to become difficult again. He needs someone here, he always does, he needs someone to tell him that yes he's okay and yes everything's all fine. He needs help and he needs someone right now.

Grabbing his phone he dials the first number he remembers, the old one he used to call when this happened at night, Fushimi. But why, why is he calling that traitor? He left him and walked away like he was shit, why would he even care about Yata's anxiety and oh my god why won't he _pick up._

A tired and very very grumpy Saru answers his phone-finally, Yata thinks- and grumbles an irritated "Mnh, hello? What do you want?" He didn't even check who was calling, so he thinks it might be something work related because obviously Scepter 4 would call him at 4am, of course they would.

Currently Misaki is struggling to form any actual words, and he's just choking and squeaking and letting out choked sobs of "Saru, Saru quickly." And immediately Fushimi knows what's going on on the other end.

He doesn't say much except a quick "calm down I'm coming I'm on my way" before he runs out the door, not bothering to change out of his pyjamas, and runs. He hopes Misaki opens his door before he gets there, because kicking the door down to get to him would probably make his anxiety worse and when he was calmed down he'd probably get angry because Jesus Christ Saru, you broke Misaki's door. And to his relief, when he gets to the door, it's unlocked and he runs on in.

He walks in on Misaki sitting on his bed, still breathing heavily and clutching his chest and he looks like a broken little kid who just lost their dog, or broke their favourite toy. He sits down beside him, and turns him around so they're facing each other. "Misaki, what happened?" No answer, just shaking. C'mon Fushimi, think, what did you do whenever this happened before? "Okay. Misaki, look at me," He does, although his eyes look really unfocused and absolutely horrified. "Good, now breathe. Breathe and calm down." And after a few minutes of back rubbing and hair petting, he does.

And now the ginger finally realises, oh my god Fushimi is here he's alive right in front of him and it was all just a dream, so he sort of clings to Fushimi, but not too much because remember, he still hates the little shit for leaving him like that. "So, do you think you wanna tell me what happened?" Misaki gulps. "I… It was a dream, and I- your sword was in your chest and, and there was blood on me and it was my fault, I did it."

Taking a deep breath, Fushimi strokes Yata's hair a little and tells him to shh. "It was just a dream, though. Clearly I'm right here. Besides, do you really think you'd actually be able to kill me, with my own sword? You underestimate me." And he tries to smirk a little thinking that maybe if they start acting a little like they usually do, it might make the smaller boy less upset and stressed and that's what he's going for. "Oh shut up, stupid monkey. I was worried, okay?" Worried? "Why?" "I dunno, I thought you'd left me again. For good this time!" That's what scares him the most, and while he wants his friend back, he doesn't, because what if he leaves him a second time? He doubts he'd be able to handle it.

"Tch, please. You think I'd leave so soon and quit annoying you? I'd never dream of it." Misaki smiles, and yes thank god, he's feeling better and the old, bratty 'Mi-sa-ki' he knows is gonna come out any second, he knows it. "You really are a shitty little monkey, aren't you?" "I don't really think someone your size should be calling _me _little, Mi-sa-ki. ~" He growls, and hits Fushimi hard. "Don't call me that! And why are you still here!? Go home!" "No, I'm staying." "Ugh, why?" "Because, what if you have that dream again, or worse, and have to call me again? I don't trust you alone like this." Misaki lets out a loud sigh and a grunt, before mumbling "Okay fine, get in, you stupid fuck." And curls back under the blankets, Fushimi crawling in with him, but not sleeping too close to him because the closer they get now the closer they are to becoming friends again and while both of them want it, they really do, they're afraid of more hurt so they decide to steer clear of that scenario.

Until Misaki decides, fuck it, this can be a one off and he really doesn't care, he hasn't even been hugged in a while and he's really lonely and he just wants a hug, dammit. So he hides his kinda blushing face in the pillows and mumbles "Saru, cuddle me."

Fushimi laughs, and he too decides, fuck it, he wants to hold his Misaki again, and curls around the tiny ginger beside him.

That's the first time they've done that in a while, and hey, it might be the last but neither really care because at that moment it feels nice, and it's not like they're gonna do anything else that they might regret, so they can forget about it (or pretend to forget, because no one could forget holding someone as cute as Misaki, or being held by someone as soft as Fushimi) in the morning and no one else can know.

And that's that.


End file.
